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A column by Gary Webster |
If it's January. . .and, unfortunately, it is. . .then it must be that time again.
No, not time for snow and ice and slush and all the other stuff that accompanies winter here in beautiful northeastern Ohio. It's time for another exciting season of American Idol, which, for the 10th consecutive year, will whittle down a stampede of thousands of singers seeking fame and fortune to two finalists, one of which will receive a recording contract and one of which will not. At least, I don't think the runner-up gets a recording contract. Not from the producers of the program, anyway. But they'll get one, in addition to the fame and fortune the winner receives. Only not quite as much. Or maybe more. It all depends.
Despite my affection for music, and despite the fact American Idol has been the most popular program on TV for the past several years, I never watch the show. In its decade on the Fox network, I have seen exactly five minutes worth of American Idol. That was during the final broadcast of the first season when, for a reason I still can't fully comprehend, I felt compelled to find out who the first American Idol would be, Kelly Clarkson or Justin Guarini. (It was Kelly.) As soon as I found out, I changed the channel. I didn't even stick around to hear Kelly sing her victory song. I don't know why, because Kelly was a babe! But I tuned out and haven't watch one single, solitary second of American Idol since then. Nor do I plan to watch one single, solitary second of American Idol this year.
I do know that NBC, sick and tired of getting its posterior kicked in the ratings year after year, created an American Idol clone called, cleverly, The Voice. I don't know who in NBC's programming department came up with that title, but the genius responsible deserves a raise. Or a pink slip. I'm not sure which. Anyway, even though I've never watched so much as a minute of The Voice, I understand that it's a lot like American Idol. They start with a few thousand singers and keep eliminating people until they have just two left and one of them is proclaimed to be The Voice and gets a prize package similar, if not identical, to the prize package the American Idol gets. Just as American Idol had Paula Abdul and currently has Jennifer Lopez as the celebrity judge who was also a singing star with Grammy awards and hit records to her credit and therefore lent some credibility to the panel of judges (in addition to being nice and compassionate to those who have their hearts broken and dreams shattered by the other judges), The Voice has Christina Aguilera as its celebrity judge. I'm guessing there are myriad other similarities between the two singing competitions, but I can't be sure because I've never watched The Voice and I don't intend to start now, even though the first episode of the new season will be broadcast after the Super Bowl (and despite the presence of the sexy Christina as a judge).
I also know that Simon Cowell (A-K-A the mean judge that everybody hated), who brought American Idol across the Atlantic from Great Britain, got sick of the show and quit, only to return with a brilliant idea of his own: a singing competition called The X Factor, which is not to be confused with The X Files. Or maybe that's the twist: only extraterrestrials are allowed to be contestants on The X Factor. A two-headed singer could sing a duet with him or herself. And Cowell could say nasty things about both of them, and the extraterrestrial could zap him with his or her (their?) laser beam eyes.
That might actually be worth watching.
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Copyright © 2012 by Gary Webster |
Gary Webster is a northeast Ohio radio personality and freelance writer who enjoys looking on the light side of things. His plays, skits, and essays explore the topics of the day with insight and humor.